do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
Going back to college after four years is reminding me why i love cheating... they dont let me cheat on tests but they sure try hard to make me cheat on my girl
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
The fact that its 10am on a gameday and I have yet to shotgun is absurd
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
I don't fucking know. I'm out stimulating the economy. Not locked in a room with a marker board.
Oh at the liquor store again?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Went home with a guy last night with Taco Bell sauce in my hair and on my pants
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
So I missed the eclipse because I was masturbating.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Because of you I can never eat chicken nuggets without thinking of you fucking him. I hope youre happy. I really do.
Randomize
