can a guy be partially circumsized? cause i dont exactly know what i was lookng at...
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
I think I'm pregnant again.
or as we call it, thursday.
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
Btw, apparently no one knows who ordered the pizzas for the after party, no one paid, and the delivery lady made a celeb shot, took a beer, then said she'd be back later to finish up the game...
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
Randomize
