it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
peeing in bathroom at penn station and the homeless man next to me is combing his beard with a fork...god I love new york
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
We got a Christmas tree, decorated it to surprise his wife And kids who were out of town for her father's funeral, then fucked like rabbits on their new mattress before he had to pick them up at the airport.
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
How many times have we said we'd stop taking Jell-O shots with strangers?
It's something you'd find in the room outside of Ben Carson's sex dungeon
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
Oh god I found a set of car keys in my pocket, and I have no idea who's they are
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