We just picked up about 540 lbs of women....
apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
When i asked him what happened all he said was, the toucan... the toucan... over and over again.
Just mixed vicodin and mucinex. This cold just got fun.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She is wasted and this random lady got her to suckle milk from her tit
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
So his dick was definitely bigger than it looked in all the pictures he sent my daughter.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Randomize
