i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
Yeah? Well I'm currently predrinking downstairs in my room by myself. Absolut and water with a hint of mint because I'm using the glass I keep my toothbrush in. Fuck, you bitches better get off work soon.
Although, I did get to see a Raiders fan and his toothless girlfriend get roughed up by the police and dragged out of the stadium. So the night wasn't a total loss.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
I swear I get as excited about the sound of a condom wrapper as my cat gets when she's getting a can of food.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
