had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
As I was buying milk at the market, the lady at the checkstand said, "what? No alcohol today?" have I really earned THAT reputation?
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Hairspray is covering 85% of my body. Help.
Wait until you see the roof.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
Also we saw a clown getting arrested. Rochester is weird.
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
I’d feel the same about religion. We can talk about it, but I want you to go down on me first
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
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