I think I won the penis lottery.
Well whatever you do have, it sure worked on me.
A Penis?
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
I think I'm making progress on my commitment issues. I drunk made out with the same guy from last semester this weekend.
I am NOT getting arrested in a wig.
I paid your cover too so you're on the list as tits mcgee. You're welcome :D
Lets go see if some hobos will give us a prostate massage for a 40 ounce.
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Omg do you remember last night you kept pointing to your vag asking who wants to play this like a fiddle hahaha
The guy had great intentions when throwing us free beer off the balcony... but of course I was the one to get hit in the face because that's the kind of luck I have
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Why were you naked on your bathroom floor?
It was a "get entirely naked to take a shit" kind of blackout I think.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
