My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
she kept checking the clock when she was giving me head and at midnight she said she had to stop because she cant eat meat on fridays is that bitch serious
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
Taco Bell drive through. Chick got out of the car in front of us and threw up on the hood of my car!
Not okay.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
Ohhhhhh, that night......I need to stop drinking, almost all of my conversations that take place Wed thru Sun after 8:30 are one blurry haze.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
ya figured it'd be nice to explore the mythical world of sober sex i've heard so much about
i've often wondered how it works
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