Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
i have a feeling i am the only one who can successfully pull off the "slutty kentucky derby" look.
He kept telling me Te Amo last night. Over and over. And that he was scared. Drunkenly. In Spanish.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
I based a lot of our friendship on the fact that I thought you were crying from feeling so sad for me when I got crabs. I'm not sure if we can ever be as close now.
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
