me and this guy in my office just exchanged an "i saw you at a drag show last night" look as he passed by my desk.
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Definitely got drunk and sent her a literal picture of my asshole. I titled it " you"
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
The air was thick with penises
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
So I'm already mostly naked in a kind of bed but obviously too lazy to take my boots off. It's like January 1st is already here
Considering we're about to fuck, I really need your girlfriend to stop liking all my Facebook posts.
Oh I fucked him, definitely. We played Strip Halo.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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