I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
for future reference mormans are hard to crack but they give fucking amazing hand jobs.
He said in a slur "I go so hard, even when I..." and cut himself off by projectile vomiting all over the ice luge.
Her mom walked into the garage as we were smoking a kush blunt with sombreros on.
I go to a class slightly intoxicated and they bring in a baby. What a life.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
If you get me a sex toy for Christmas everyone in my family will question our relationship.
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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