Sitting at a red light. Windows are down. I'm blasting Gaga's "Disco Stick" and doing an interpretive dance to it because I think I'm hilarious. Look to the left and see two Phi Delts that I know with their windows down. They are horrified. I am probably going to lose their Facebook friendships.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
I'll call it a relationship when I stop masturbating after he goes to sleep
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
We got to the hotel at 12AM with nothing but a plastic bag of magnum condoms and lube, while wearing glow sticks. The receptionist handed us a bunch of water bottles and said "These are on us.", not even phased by three dudes about to have a threesome. I love this town.
Depending on which video of him streaking you watch, you can see me passed out in the front row.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
Meanwhile she's getting her law degree and I'm dropping Cool Ranch Doritos down my bra because I'm laying down eating on the couch
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
would you eat cereal with weed in it
who is this???
Randomize
