like what am i supposed to say "im thinking of how bad that sex was"?
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Fuck now we have to have sex
What?
In a bet, need to win
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
TOMORROW NIGHT CAN I HOLD YOU LIKE A BABY
He was ugly. Like horse ugly. But he was built for power, not for speed.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
Going through my purse trying to find money for this cab but all I keep pulling out if chicken from my burrito o ate an hour ago. Help?
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
I would also like you to tell your human bio class that I successfully smoked out the flu. 103 degree when I woke up yesterday. 100degree after one bowl. 4 more bowls and 16 hours later all that's left is a cough
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
Randomize
