She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Now that the olympics are over we have no excuse for getting belligerently drunk for nationalism every night.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
He's coming back with me for the week. It took me saying "I don't wanna drive myself home... I'm better as a passenger giving road head" for him to jump at it. Rack another one up for my magical openings.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I have my vibrator between my thighs and I'm listening to high school musical. That kind of high. We're all in this together.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Yea it's also hard to turn down a man asking you out with a chicken sandwich.
I'm way too hungover for life right now
the only thing she has in her apt so far is toilet paper and shot glasses. you can see where the priorities lie.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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