You litterally reached into some girls shirt, pulled out her tit and yelled whats up with this guy.
I'm drinking reisling in a paper cup by myself in the garage.
don't ever tell me how terrible your next walk of shame is until you run into your little brother on his way to class.
It was just a reflex. BOOM I kicked her in the face
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
i admit it was a weird experience, but why regret what once made you cum
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
You said that about some fat chick sitting on the base of a lamp post and puking. Downright heroic.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
Can't be like "hey can you elaborate on this three year old tweet" can I?
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
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