i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
angela screamed across the room SHES A CHAMP when i told the pharmacist plan b doesnt make me throw up
And for some reason I was covered in ants... So your probably covered in ants as well
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Can't wait to bequeath this flannel to my grandchildren someday.
'I've been using this to pick up lesbians since before you were born!'
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
She looks like a Midwestern news anchor that got fired so she has done nothing but eat for the past 6 months.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
when part of the plan includes getting high, i usually forget how the rest of the plan goes.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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