You don't get off work for this? I feel genuinely bad for you.
I'll have a beer when I get into the office. Yes, I hide beer in my work frige.
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
so my phone accidentally called my dad from my purse at 2:14am....he has a 5 min voicemail of me discussing how Alicia should bang the guy who eats good pussy... i can never look at my dad in the face again....
BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Because if the best sex I've ever had was with a gay guy, then God help me.
I keep jumping up and down in front of the mirror naked. The only motivation I would be to stop and put clothes on is if you come over. Hurry.
I'm starting to question if I'm gonna need to bring a raincoat just to drink around u
U act like I can cum on command
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It's has to do with my genitals. Don't ask.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
I volunteer to be the person who breaks into the room and runs around naked and has to be escorted out by police.
Drunk me just want to text sober me for saving that half rack of ribs I loves you
Randomize
