my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
Why didn't I see you last night!?
We made out like 4 times....I think I saw you.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
I am way too attached to fictional lesbians.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I just want to bone him one last time before he moves across the country with his new (average looking) girl friend.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
I just wish he would stop trying to bring his emotional baggage into our sexual relationship.
Drunk me wants sober me to be happy, woke up with half a dozen doughnuts in my bed this morning.
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
Randomize
