I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
my mom just found my bong and asked what it was. I told her it was a hookah
and she bought it?!?
yeah...but her friends at work told her hookah was fun and now she wants to smoke it with me...im thinkin yes
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
he asked my vagina if she was excited to meet Leonard. LEONARD. His fuckin penis is named Leonard.
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
WHEN DID YOU SAY YOU COME BACK BC I GOT INVITED TO A KEG WAR PARTY
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
Your sister just admitted to being a " much bigger bitch" than you. So you've got that going for you, which is nice.
Randomize
