he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Some ambulance just rolled up to this bar and this girl just hops out of the back and walks inside
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I can't leave your house without my underwear spending the night.
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
woke up to a family dragging me under their beach umbrella, they poured water on me bc they "thought I was dead" then fed me quesadillas and nursed me back to health... gotta love Cabo
We made out a little and then he gave me some weed. I would say it was a pretty productive stop on my way home
Oh and .... you'll love this: my life coach says you writing my online dating profile isn't a horrible idea.
holy shit I just remembered that story I told about Tom hanks going bowling while high.
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
