I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
My cab driver just texted me 'goodnight beautiful'. I think my 'desperate for a guy phase' has just moved into a fuck my life phase.
I just found that video of you jumping onto my exercise ball feet-first and face-planting into my shoe rack.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
i had a mental breakdown over a math asignment proposed to a glass of chocolate milk then burned my hands when i acidentally leaned on the stove i have the grill marks burned on my hands i can see them
its only been 20 minuts since i last saw you
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
His penis looked like how I would imagine Satan's pinky finger.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
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