everytime i listen to a chris brown song and like it i feel like i bad person
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
We both bought three foot bongs...going to race to see who can smoke a mile first.
i wish i had a super power and that that super power was shooting out mdma from my fingertips or something
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
Turns out the old man beside me in the waiting room was dead, but other then that it was a good day.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
I'm 99.9% sure the people upstairs are using walki-talkies to talk to each other across the room. Too high for this shit
I'm sun burnt so instead of getting drunk and trying to sleep with you, how about we get naked and you scratch my body and rub lotion on me while I rub one out?
alcohol and riverdancing are a dangerous mix. have a spraind ankle. i die now
It's five in the morning. wtf?
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
Randomize
