I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
Hey, what are you up to?
Drinking wine with the guys and watching 7 Pounds.
Looking back I guess I could have changed that to beer and Die Hard.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
I just saw a license plate that said "Guidete" at college. This proves the world is officially ending in 2012
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
I was just walking down the hall and passed a very pregnant girl wearing a shirt that said "blame it on the aaaaaa-alcohol." I can't decide if she's brilliantly witty or just pointing fingers.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
I ate icecream cake off your tits for my birthday, if that's not love I don't know what is.
I started screaming "MY PARENTS ARE MORMON" at a stranger and promptly proceeded to run into a wall. How do you think it went?
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
No. We can't get pedicures until my toenails grow back.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
If you think me talking about that hot guy accepting my LinkedIn request is pornographic, I’m not sure how you’re gonna feel when I tell you I fucked a stranger on a park bench last weekend
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