I always see him when I'm wearing my ripped pants. I think its because of the hole in the crotch. My vag sends out supersonic "I'm horny" waves to him. Otherwise the calls are muffled.
I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Upside of a two-day migraine: thanks to a prominent "E" in the middle of every pill, I think we can totally pass off Excedrine Migraine as ecstasy to stupid, drunk freshman. This is totally going to happen. That entrepreneurship course is paying off.
New rule : you aren't allowed anything . Ever .
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
We were fucking and his phone rang and it was his grandma. He just had a conversation with his grandma while fucking me from behind. Then his dad called and asked him what he wanted from taco bell.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
No I dont want him to bring his twin brother, cause then ill have to entertain him with my vagina
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