Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
i want to fuck
?
it's pretty self explanatory
I'm always impressed by your drunken ability to quickly gauge how long it's been since you've shaved and whether or not your prospective hook up will care.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
WHY HAVE SO MANY THING GONE IN MY BUTT ON THIS TRIP
In theory, it seemed like it would work.
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
Randomize
