so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
Its like everytime i see you, my vagina gets a heartbeat.
His health insurance plan WILL NOT cover Lasix surgery but it WILL cover 100% of a penis enlargment operation...
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
All I remember is intermittent flashes of being passed out on the side of the road 3 or 4 different times. And telling him to just leave me there and I would walk home in the morning.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
I say that because you at one point were like a mama spider covered with baby spiders only you were a man covered with strippers.
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
Honestly I have a huge freedom boner right now and if I came it would be red white and blue
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
Randomize
