Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
She didn't talk for 45 minutes. We finally convinced her to open her mouth. There was a flower in there.
I have been referring to it as "thanks for getting out of me day" all week. Do you think they will still take me to brunch tomorrow?
I fell asleep on the bus and woke up in Italian Las Vegas. Europe was a successful continent for me.
Is it bad to have a craving for speed? I feel like my nose is thirsty.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
Randomize
