I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
Better than road-head. Just got model-home-head. Also got a disapproving scowl of judgment from the realtor on the way out.
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
Just high enough for therapy.
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
My dad's girlfriend is driving through the snow to bring me my purple haze. If he doesn't wife her up, we have a bigger issue on our hands.
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
Randomize
