you dont seem to understand my overwhelming need to watch space jam right now
I told you not to have sex with her on my futon
I didnt dude, i swear!
either that or you were eating mayo, which was the second thing i told you not to do on my futon
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
After I saw you grinding on that guy with your shirt completely unbuttoned, I figured it was time for pizza.
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
I'm not sure what your ex was trying to say to me I was too busy chanting your name in his face
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
I love the smell of your bedroom. It smells of a mixture of cherries, leather, and unrequited homosexual desire.
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
He showed me his sex playlist and it looked good, so I slept with him.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
I think him and kristen are pretty serious now.. I dont think he cheats on her, anymore.
So... Sorry we took your wife to the strip club last night... And sorry we bought her that lap dance... I think you're getting closer to your dream of a threesome, though.
Randomize
