A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Showering in the handicapped shower. Im THAT hungover.
there are 5 pictures on my phone from last night, 4 are too blurry to recognize and the 5th is you dangling a twizzler over your mouth, naked.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
Because you work where i will be drunk tonight I'm asking you. Is a shirt required on Halloween?
New rule. No seeing movies about plane crashes after killer bong rips
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
