things that need to be invented #43: vodka that also acts as birth control.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know what the hell the asian woman at the end of Napoleon Dynamite is doing in the movie
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
Well, if they're both my boyfriend.. Then i cheated on both of them.
Nothing like throwing up 1/2 price appatizers and 2 4 1 personal pitcher in uniform to remind myself what a succesful failure I am
I'm already mentally preparing myself for the fact that I'll probably be sleeping next to a toilet.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
Aaaaaaaand dick pic. God bless america, and god bless tinder.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
I just got baptized.
Drunkenly skinny dipping in a indoor hotel pool is not okay and does not count as a baptism.
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
Randomize
