wat bout pragnant strippers??
MY DAD AND I ARE ON OUR WAY OUT OF FLORENCE AND I JUST SAW A MAN AT A BUS STOP WITH A GIMP HAND SLAP HIS DAUGHTER ACROSS THE FACE WITH IT.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Take advantage man but know that every anal bead u drop inside her will make her love u 2% more. It's science
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
Okay so I'm high eating chili cheese fries bra-less watching Mulan, could I be doing any better at life right now?
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
I hate when pubes grow back. My mons is a warzone.
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
