Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
So currently I have a block of cheese duct taped to my air conditioner in lieu of a fridge.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
Aw lol. Sounds like my masturbation injury last year
Can't. I took a Viagra to make sure I wouldnt leave the room so I might actually study.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
Do you have paint?
Paint? I wish
OMG WHAT ARE YOU DOING
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
Randomize
