I specifically asked you not to be slutty tonight.
You are an awful beat friend I am goin to die in a car accident and then my corpse is going to be used by criminals ala weekend at bernies to rob a bank then my corpse will go to jail Thanks john Thanks for nuthin
The Lord gave Farrah Fawcett 1 wish when she died. She wished that all children in the world would be safe! The Lord granted her wish and killed Michael Jackson.
Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
Update: it wasn't just our driver. This ticket confirms that the Royal Oak PD also found our behavior on the party bus to be "Lewd and Indecent."
I'm sitting at work trying to dust glitter off my pants. I can't hang out with her anymore.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
I had to dig my own trench to puke in at the resort. That much fun.
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
All I've done today is make sangria and wonder what the hell I'm doing with my life.
I'm gonna have to get a lube sherpa.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Apparently I repeatedly thanked the paramedic for saving the "happy new year" beads i was wearing. that bad.
Randomize
