i wish starbucks made bloody marys
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
Oh btw, that was a wonderful blow job. You did a good job.
Ya these assholes wanted to like sit around and eat cupcakes and watch the notebook. I was like fuck you, I want to go make some people uncomfortable in public.
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
Is that a polar bear? You seriously grinded with a polar bear at the club?
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I don't think I'll get invited back. I drunkenly told her that her kids would be perfect for a pro-abortion campaign.
If you had asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be right now at 26 years old, I can bet you one million dollars that "tweezing out my nose hairs before I go in to get laser hair removal on my upper lip" would NOT have been the answer
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
Randomize
