What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
You should come over. I am making a celebratory I got laid by a huge penis cake.
you humped every kiosk in the store. then you asked for an application.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
Just googled "penis wearing a hat" i think it's safe to say nobody found my ex's lost phone...
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I lost the right to judge tonight
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Get your heels and tits on! I’m not wasting a Brazilian because his fucking kid ate paste or Legos and ruined an afternoon suite sex and room service
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