I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Bartending School is so much more enjoyable now that I realized I was in rehab at this time last year.
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
I feel like this is the moment of high where you have to write these texts down to remember to text them and feel that somehow this is important to the continuity of the world.
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Someone explain why I'm twerking in my bathroom right now before a charity run
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
We were on the beach when you spilled sand in the bottle and said "relax it's vodka, it'll disinfect itself"
I really wish you were home bc youre the only friend I could ask to use an at home waxing kit on my vagina. I need you.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Randomize
