We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
All I remember was yelling at him, "Its becasue of people like you that it took us so long to get to the moon!"
So I gave him a handjob and now we aren't friends anymore
You're at Notre Dame. What did you expect?
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I want a battle ostrich, get me a battle ostrich and then come and make love to me
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I think my fortune cookie is telling me I give good blowjobs.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
Drunk me says 72 hours of Mexican Viagra and room service.Sober me says we stopped being lovers for a reason after the last lost weekend.
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
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