just wrote on a church. and then stalked a boy, by the way, i fucked him. him being your friend, also, love tacos.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
i was more sad about losing him as neighbor on fishville than as a boyfriend
Downstairs neighbor just asked me to tell people when they jump off the balcony next time not to land on her flowers
This is a whole other level of drinking. Like the I used to eat paste with these people kinda drinking.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
Water skiing blazed is the most scary thing I've ever done.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
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