What are we going to do tonight?
What we try to do every night. Take over the world
like i told you yesterday: virgins, blood, my name. do it.
He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
we are going to smoke at least three blunts before we go see Cloudy with a chance of meatballs. I'm going to have my mom make us spaghetti for when we get out so can your mom make those spicy meatballs? I thought I'd give you 9 days notice so everything's perfect.
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I have a great idea. you just need to get pregnant.
Mother, no, i will not talk about this again. Please stop planning my unborn daughters life. I will not put her in pagents. That is trashy. Stop watching toddlers in tiaras. It is also trashy. I love you.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
I hope the walls stop moving before my manager notices that i'm still drunk.
Look on the bright side. Now you know the number for poison control.
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
Wingman of the year award. I made out with her gay roommate in order for you to get laid. Better have been good.
The gay roommate was probably better than her. Consider yourself lucky.
I woke up to see that I had ripped my boxers into a loin cloth because we were watching last of the mohicans
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
its 2pm and were already starting beer pong...its gonna be a good night
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