btw, your gf is going to want to talk to you today...and consequently you're probably not going to want to talk to me...just a heads up
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I really love her but I don't think I can go the rest of my life without anal.
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
The bartender just told me he would have me face down in his pillow by the end of the night. I hate when you make me go to gay clubs.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I mean I want to be happy but it's a train wreck that you can't look away from
just woke up on the floor of my shower...it was still runnning
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
When they said they were gonna tattoo each other's gamer tags on their asses, I knew I no longer had a boyfriend.
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