paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I like daylight savings. I don't care if it's 4 oclock it's not daydrinking if it's dark out
seek help.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
Just come over and take your pants off. 35 mins tops. You'll be home before midnight cinderella
her body is proportioned like a family guy character
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Two words: blizzard sex
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
