I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I'm at Lowes and I'm constantly looking for things to vomit in, just in case
Just found a shot glass and plan b in my backpack...
Im guessing the shot glass is for plan c?
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
dont worry it didnt get any better. she locked herself in his room and was screaming at the top of her lungs "IM GUNA PEE ON YOUR BED"
I dont even think your gonna like what I got you for christmas. If not we can take it back and get drugs.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
We had a moment of silence for all of the orgasms he gave me with his beard before he shaved it off.
So it's official the pockets of my work apron exist solely for the purpose of secretly flipping off asshole customers and not losing my job.
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
I woke up in his closet, with my shirt inside out and backwards, Rolos in my hand, a tortilla with a face carved into it stuck to the fridge with a magnet, a homemade bong next to the bed, and the door off the hinges... I need a chaperone.
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
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