erin looks like she hung out with the sham wow guy last night. she's got the beat up hooker look goin' on
"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
haha you were like: "I don't want to uh pressure you.." as you took your own shirt off
It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Note to self: Not getting laid all weekend makes girls in mondays classes racks seem enormously bigger.
she "accidentally" hit me with her car, its almost as if she know im fucking her boyfriend.
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
I'm high and dancing to practical magic. Your needs for my penis can wait.
First time for everything: started posting a Facebook comment, decided I'm not quite sober enough. Progress.
Is she okay?
She may want to issue revenge punches, but medically fine.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
