Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
She just dipped a dollar bill in her queso dip and almost ate it before I slapped it out of her hand, no more bar crawls..
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
He ordered three small pizzas while I was giving him head.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He ordered a meatball sub with a side of meatballs.
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
I ended up changing her contact in my phone to "O Great Potato".
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
Well obviously we have a ghost in the house who’s taking showers in your bathroom and doing our cocaine.
Randomize
