So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
Weer fine. went to buiy cigxs, but hes theonly one waering shoes. He caem out wti chicke fingers instead. whatecer, there th 8 dollar kind.
How are ur friends?
One is peeing in the grass and the other is asleep under the stairs. Fuck them I'm sleeping in the car
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
So because I got upset you didn't answer I threw my phone in the garbage disposal last night
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
