I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.
oh, so if i go friday and she's there, you are going to be my sponsor for not banging the crazy chick
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Sorry I invoked the "everyones getting smacked including myself policy last night"
you said you didn't want to carry the pizza box so just folded up the pizza and put it in your pocket
I woke up to the sound of him repeatedly tapping out SOS in Morse Code using his hard cock.
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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