So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
I'm out of vodka and money. My semester is officially over. The way I see it, my finals are just forms I need to fill out in order to leave campus.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
My vagina senses are tingling. I know your here.
We left the bar in 2 bicycle cabs. It cost thirty bucks and they took us to the wrong hotel. When we finally made it to the right one we ended up in a room with three randos from alaska. Jammed out with them for like an hour. Those inuits are good guitar players
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
It's pretty telling that my resolutions all involve who I will sleep with in 2014.
It's important to play to your strengths.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Randomize
