Ok a condom literally fell out of my underwear this morning, i have never been so confused.
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
I'm questioning the dried chocolate syrup on my tits.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
my mom went out and bought me new sheets and redecorated my room. its like she's more excited for me to get laid tomorrow for the first time in two months than I am.
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
My only contacts are booty calls or the club hockey team.
I'll explain later but I just had to legally commit to abstinence for the next 4 months
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
These random guys found me. They told me not to wander in the woods and i remember saying 'am i fucking Bambi?! I'm not gonna walk into woods!' then i threw up.
Come cuddle! I'll be passed out somewhere in the library. It'll be like a scavenger hunt!
Randomize
