he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
So hung over, I told one of the candidates she's hired if we can turn the lights off and take a nap instead of doing her interview. I feel like she has potential.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
So yeah, turns out I enjoy vaguely public group sex. Who knew?
I sent my boyfriend to the bar so I could go out tonight and actually get laid..
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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