no, i will not be your spotter when you masturbate with a noose around your neck
i felt like the dude nobody likes from the mikes hard lemonade commercial
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
if i seriously got my dick up last night, then im taking him to disney world cause thats just fuckin impressive
I'm just impressed that you can puke without losing your gum
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
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