farters have to be the big spoon...
i want to have as much fun as i did last weekend. but plus the condom and minus the fear.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Dude are you alive? We drank shit that made a german bartender blow chunks.
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
So I bring Danny back to the apartment for the first time and my roommate is curled up in the beanbag in the middle of the floor, wearing nothing but her uggs, high out of her mind and watching Harry potter... She offered us kettle corn.
He asked if he could come over tomorrow....
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
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