We're pre-gaming then going to chuck e cheese's.
If you're joking I'm going to be sad
Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
So random guy from last night came over tonight. I told myself I wasn't going to sleep with him but he had some killer dirty talk and a big penis in his arsenal...what was I supposed to do? Supposedly he lost his virginity to his wife and since their divorce a year ago I'm the 1st girl he's slept with, I feel like I just re-took his virginity...I feel like a rockstar.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
Oh my god. I'm not ready to be an adult. I'm not ready.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
It smells like grilled cheese and sexual frustration
You're my best friend, so I'm kinda scared to say this, but.....I kinda feel odd when I show up with you at your family events and I have banged or blown at least 3 people in the room
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
