no you're not listening to me HE WANTED TO BRAID MY HAIR
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
I can't wait to see her breast feed this thing
Also, our mothers are placing bets on which of us will get pregnant first.
oh my god its dad's weekend for the sororities i can't wait to throw up in front of all these parents
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
I can not be a lesbian living on Beaverland.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
Randomize
