The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
...she just doesn't genetically have the things I want my kids to have.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
did u really fuck my little sister???
im not saying yes or no but just know that my answer rhymes with "mess"
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
future reference: when you get a text that says "WARNING: EXPLICIT PHOTOS BEING DELIVERED. VIEWERS DISCRETION IS ADVISED." you always open the attached picture.
you made cordon bleu at 4am and declared you were Marshall Stewart
Just when I thought I was growing up, I go out and TOTALLY REDEEM MYSELF
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
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