Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
I just had to explain to my father, how having two screens plugged into my computer doesn't use more internet.
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
Saw the college gyno today. It has now been medically confirmed that I have a perfect vagina.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
WHAT IF you could get pizza delivered to you IN YOUR CAR while driving somewhere. Like moving roadside service.
You're High aren't you?
Sooooo high
That boy has a whole ocean of crazy lying just beneath the surface waiting to rise up, he's like the tar sands of crazy
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
New reason to drink: alcohol makes soda taste like goddamn gold.
Mom just sent me an email. The subject line is "How to avoid a urinary tract infection"
LET IT GO MOM
We didn't mean to put a petting zoo in the elevator.
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
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