i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
She pulled a cheeseburger out of her purse. I have missed her so much.
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
His friends call him "Gasm".... Im going for it.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Remember when you picked me up from my walk of shame with a bike, I came out wearing a Ninja Turtle costume and you let me ride the pegs to thoroughly display the embarassment
I'm really sorry I gave you road head last night and made you drive over and break the sprinkler system.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
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